More.

So you want more; you’re not satisfied?
Don’t be then; do more than simply go to work and eat…
do more than exist.

Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
—Lao Tzu 

What’s on your bucket list? What’s next in your passions? Pursue those desires.. they weren’t place there by mistake..

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Picasso and Pancakes

DSCN7844 An autumn date, last Saturday, with Mi Amor. We started off with Wolfgang’s for brunch—Tirmisu Pancakes were eaten after we indulged in an fabulous mexican-style omelet.
DSCN7845 As you can see, it was delicious.
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Rye bread on the side, which we did eat all of—no boxes for us!! We headed off to Naked Plates for a pottery afternoon. We painted contemporary-style mugs with Picasso inspired art work, in honor of his birthday!

The food held us over until we went to grandma and grandpa’s for munchies and cider. I met a bunch of grandma’s side of the family (relatives who hadn’t seen Cameron since he was a little lad) I was glad to meet them as a part of their family.

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So very much has happened since I last blogged, since we’ve been so incredibly filled with work and school. I have treasured my time away from the computer very much, I must say. heeehee!

Hopefully this will get me back into the blogging mode! After all, it is autumn!

Unexpected Twists of a Young Marriage

Working in a hospital, I see torn lives every day.
What follows after exiting a patient’s room is generally a scene I make up in my head which places either Mi Amor or I in that position of danger. My visions are deep and brutal, filled with full on gore and shock. I don’t know how I have this mind that so simply takes me into the world of my thoughts…however horrible they are…

What if one day, this nightmare became my reality?

This is a recap of that reality beginning yesterday morning.

Ensuring Mi Amor was set with lunch as well as breakfast, I threw together the same for myself. As he shoves a bite of my homemade muesli and yogurt in his mouth, I kiss him on the cheek, tell him I love him and that I can’t wait to be home with him that evening. I am so blessed to have an incredible husband who I haven’t fought with and who I haven’t gone to bed or work mad at. I am so thankful that we started that morning well off. I jumped on my bike, peddling away on down to the pharmacy, where I tied my sweater around my waist to cover the water mark thrown by the bike tire that lined my back. The rain was coming down when I was biking, but thankfully it had stopped shortly thereafter.
Upon hearing huddle, I took my tech that I was training that day up to the main hospital with a med cart. We were exchanging the boxes from the day before, with fresh meds for those patients that day. I remember being in the middle of telling him about patient safety and how health care is something to CARE about, when my coworker from downstairs comes rapidly walking towards us. I look at her as she tells me with hurt in her eyes, “Sarah, I just got two calls saying your husband is down in ER.” I honestly, stared at her and thought to myself, This can’t be possible….
Then as I realized that she was truly standing in front of me telling me this, I put my hand over my mouth and said, “Oh, God…”
I focused on one thing: Getting to my husband.
I ran to the elevator and a man who I enjoy seeing up in surgery when I refill the pyxis was there. At this moment, I was forced to stop moving and as the doors closed and he turned to me, he asked, “Sarah, good morning, how are ya?” I looked at him and was drowned with reality. He held me and told me, “I’ll be praying for you,” as the doors opened and I ran off.
I began praying, also just thinking, and completely lost in a world of shock all at the same time.

I got through to ER in my back way and asked some familiar faces where my husband was, “Cameron, his name is Cameron.”
One of the kind men was Cory, who ended up being the Physician’s Assistant. “He’s in room 36.” I walked the ten feet to the room where I saw his clothes and no bed…I instantly thought the worst, how could I not? He must be in a trauma room… I walked back to Cory and I demanded in panic, “Where is my husband?”
“Oh, honey, you don’t know what happened?”
I began crying uncontrollably and placed my head on the counter.
“Sarah, he’s okay, my name’s Cory, I’m his PA, he’s just getting a catscan.”
I look up at him and nod my head in acknowledgement.
“There is the officer, he might need some info,” Cory directed.
I walked over, crying and trying to pull myself together before I saw Cameron, “I’m his wife,”
The officer nodded and asked if I knew what happened. I, of course, did not. I told him some personal info and then went to touch Cameron’s clothes. Obviously, there wasn’t a lot of blood and as I touched his sweater, I looked over and laughed gently between crying, “His fifty pound backpack probably helped save his life…” This is when I recalled that morning, I did kiss him right? I did say I love him right? How could I have known how to prepare for this…oh God, please help us. 

I knew where catscan was and so I thought, I can wait outside the doors.
I began to walk out of room 36 and as I looked down the corridor, I saw him….sitting up and staring down the hall at me. I ran/walked down to him as he asked if I could come into catscan too. I followed and as soon as he was turned around and made eye contact with me, I said, “I love you” as he responded I placed my hand over my mouth to try to calm myself from my tears…which of course came like a river.
I saw no broken bones or fractures at all. I praised our Protector.

As she wheeled him back to room 36, I held his arm and cried. He placed his unscathed hand on my head and stroked my hair, “I’m okay”
I nodded while replaying his message in my head, over and over…He’s okay, he’s okay, he’s okay…

I called his dad, his mom, my dad, his three professors, and through all six calls I cried uncontrollably at the reality of life.
A driver was coming from the north, had a stop sign, and apparently checked for headlights before he got to the intersection, didn’t see any and went to do a sort of ‘rolling stop’ while not really seeking out more than headlights. From Cameron’s perspective he was cruzing down the street in his bike lane, when all of a sudden he ran into the side of a van, it was as if it just appeared. Bashing his face into the side he toppled over off of his bike and onto the street. He got up and told the guy, “i’m fine, i’m okay”
Cameron, obviously not seeing his own face, was in shock.
The driver told him they were going down to ER.
Cameron walked with his uncouthly heavy backpack after stashing his bike in some bushes, the football field to the ER. {He was only four blocks from our home}
He was admitted and told them, “My wife works in the inpatient pharmacy, tell her I’m okay.”

I sat there looking at him through my overly puffy eyes…
After seven stitches in his upper lip, about twenty in his chin, between two gashes, and another large number on his knee, he was looking at me telling me, “I’m sorry for scaring you,”
“What? Cameron, its not your fault…we are so blessed you are alive.”
Saying that word…alive…it made me lose it all over again…
It took me until the next morning to actually be able to control my emotions. All throughout that day, I was hit over and over again with the thought of being alone, that he really should be dead…two more seconds and he could’ve been dead..or paralized, or in critical care from a broken back, hips, and concussion…
Instead, our Protector had His hand upon Cameron, I know that for sure.
I woke up periodically throughout the night to check his breathing and see if he was still alright, the danger wasn’t over if he had a concussion that put him out over night…
But, I was able to make it to work after giving him instructions to text me every hour and let me know what he is doing, how he is feeling-if vision changes, etc…
He took a little walk down to meet me for lunch, which I was thankful for the boost of life to help keep me awake through the day. I arrived home to some fall-colored leaves…a tradition that he has done every year through our relationship. He still touches my heart and romances me so delicately even when he has every right to be selfish.

Throughout the day of the accident, after taking paid-time-off, I stuck by him so close, never letting him out of my sight for too long. So many thoughts were shared. I treasure my time with him, and I still had a great time being with him even as he has been in this state.
I am so proud of my husband, he is the best patient ever. No complaints, no ‘woe is me’, no cursing God, nothing. He is walking, breathing, eating, reading. He is alive. He has been handling this like a champ, and there is no way that I have could see such a heart that I need to cherish, except in these tragedies. He is mine. He is my one-of-a-kind husband who is perfect for me and who I am blessed to have the honor of being his wife.

I’m supposed to grow old with you…
I have prayed that our home be one of healing. I want our home to be a haven of peace and rest and for those who are broken and hurting. Find comfort here in the testimonies of our healing through the power of our Doctor.

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Ephesians 7:13 & 14
Consider what God has done, Who can straighten what he has made crooked?
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.
 Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

Love Under Smog

How do I begin?

My last post was 19 days ago..explination: I left my computer cord at home…and brought back a dead laptop…which equals no blogging for me.

I missed blogging my thoughts…a lot.

I have had so much happen I think I’m just going to rant about how marvelous it is to share life.

Mi Amor came and visited, staying  with his grandparents (where he’ll live starting in three weeks; my count down chain is getting shorter!)

I worked Thanksgiving…making it feel like it really wasn’t the end of November…I still don’t feel like I’ve had Thanksgiving, even though yesterday my parents came and visited, bringing leftovers!!!!

I loved sharing life last weekend with two of my guy friends, Jersey & Mumford. Jersey’s brother, Sky was a great addition to the trio.

Sky, Jersey & I hung out a lot, watching two movies early into the morning, then the next day after coffee, a walk to the Farmer’s Market & their invitation to go to a concert–I ended up having a very sleep-deprived weekend.

Then my consecutive days of work continued with free time used by reading books, baking, cooking, knitting, and surviving without my laptop.

Then I made it to Mi Amor’s cousin’s play, based off the story of “The Princess and the Pea”, which was so wonderful.

Found out I am getting all four wisdom teeth pulled in January…

And that my parents are buying me a plane ticket to Minnesota for Christmas!!!

After the blessings of a wonderful weathered week, I ran outside as my workout and was inspired to have brighter days, looking for God’s rainbow sprinkles.

Then this past weekend rolled around, enabling me to spend time and share life with some of my most cherished souls.

A beautiful time was shared with Mi Amor and my parents, I woke up for an early day of work, which turned into a TERRIBLE day where I was given crap for everything I did. Nothing was good enough or it was too good, so I was given the ‘over achiever’ ‘super-righteous’ smug remark.

So, the switch was dramatic and I was asking God for patience ALL DAY–I really need to talk to Him more, cause I really haven’t pursued time with Him…so I suppose it was a good way to force me into talking to Him…

But, coming home to Rizo’s hug changed it all.
She listened to me & I to her as we exchanged life walking to a coffee shop.

I miss my times with her.

We were spontaneously invited to devour chinese at a friend’s apartment over some very ‘travelistic’ conversation.
Dreaming about traveling is always on my favorites list.

*whew*

After all that…I sit here cuddled under a blanket with tea, sharing Poppins with Rizo.

The comfort of her silence and presence is just as powerful as her exchange of thoughts.

I love the people God has given me to love…and yet, I fail so miserably at loving…

I just don’t think I’ve planted myself enough to understand love to the point of which I think I do. My loving them is so un-matched by the amount they show me that in possible comparison I feel like I never give enough…or give it wrongly, confusing it with something else.

Ehh, I’m just rambling in smog.

{{note to self; work on reading the Bible this week to understand Love}}

Paints & Perfect Walking Weather

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The weather has been the most perfect temperature for my two days off this week.

I cannot express how wonderful I’ve been. I had a date last thursday, after working a back-to-back. Mi Amor’s grandpa took me out. I got my fancy on and we went out to an art benefit for the mental health association. I haven’t had that much fun in a while. Its funny how we can have different levels of “fun”. Sometimes quietness and relaxation is fun, other times laughing and going out. Anywho, within the various forms and hours of the day, I got to catch up with a friend who came up from south of Chicago. After a VERY short hour and a half, coffee, and pumpkin bread, I headed off for home. At this point, it was 11:30p.m. and I had gotten to bed at midnight the night before after work, and got back up again that day at 5:45 for work. SO, you figure I’d be tired right!? Wrong. I was living off adrenaline. I was SO ready to be home and embrace Mi Amor.

My weekend was filled with many memories, including dinners, games, movies, soccer tourney, baking, & pumpkin carving.

Oh and by the pictures in the slide show above, you can see a bit of a glimpse of my new hair, and some of Mi Amor’s & my artistry flying about.

Yesterday, after a very random, get-ready-in-five-minutes after making pancakes, went to chapel at Cornerstone University with Rizo.
I walked back, and knowing that it was going to be in the 70s, was definitely glad I did.

I talked to my sister-in-law for four hours while painting. {also shown in slide show}
Hearing her voice is so refreshing, my talks with her always fill up my ‘joy tank’.

Had me some “Sonrisa” time last night; Zumba, facemask, soaked our feet, & watched a movie.

I woke up this morning, headed off to my Doctor’s appointment, {I had to choose a primary care physician for my new insurance} and after being told I was doing everything right and was in beautiful shape. I drove back home, found out that I can get time off for flying to Minnesota {home} in January. Picked up an extra shift this coming Sunday. AND walked to my dentist appointment.
After being told my teeth were perfect, no cavities ever, to keep up what I’m doing, I was then told that in the next year I need to get all four wisdom teeth out. BEcAUSeeeeeeeeeee: my mouth isn’t big.
every woman wants to hear that

haha!

I adore both my dentist and doctor-both very personable and sweet.

My doctor was a Missionary Kid who grew up in Haiti. {therefore speaking French & Creole}

I walked to AutoZone to get my 5W-30 Full Synthetic to top off the oil in my car-cause it was running low.
Walked to the Dollerstore, MusterdSeed Resale shop {goes to Sarah’s House in Uganda for HIV kids}, checked out a little Indian spice shop, and then to save-a-lot to get ingredients for my brother’s bday present and Mexican night at Poppins with Sonrisa & her man!!!

WHEW.

I am livin’ it up!