That Which We Do Not Yet Have

Goals in life keep us going.
Reaching the next foothold in the mountain gives us purpose and a focus, without these two we are sulking in our misery and waiting for something to happen without trying for it.

I believe that if you are in need of healing, you need to make goals to pursue.
I’m going to make myself vulnerable again to give you an example:
*Goals in no specific order at this time*

  • To be able to use my hands without worry of if my task will cause the pain in my hands to be worse.
  • To be able to flaunt myself to my husband without shame of my appearance.
  • To not be scared of taking showers. {cause of becoming too dry}
  • To be okay with people wanting to see my wedding ring.
  • No more consecutive restless nights of itching and pain.
  • To be able to give my husband a shoulder rub.
  • To not be afraid of what I eat and if I’ll have a reaction to it.
  • To help heal others because I am a testimony of healing.
  • To work out again; running and strength exercises

What goals have you set for yourself?
How are you going to begin to work towards one?

Romans 8:22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all.Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.


My Spit Tells Me So

Ever hope you’re a walking miracle? Ever want something to happen to you that’s so bizarre that it can only be answered by, “God did this!” 

Last night, I woke up at 2a.m. and I put some sulfur soap on my hands to wash them, after that it hurt to bend my hands still, but I felt better about starting with a good clean base. I applied my calendula salve and some jojoba oil, then snuck back under the covers but kept my hands hanging over the side, so that the sheets wouldn’t get slathered.

I began singing my songs to fall back asleep…I woke up this morning and took a room temp glass of filtered water and spit in it before I drank or ate anything. The weirdest thing happened–my spit didn’t float atop the water, it started moving down and created little tunnels or ‘legs’ and then after fifteen minutes a little cloudy patch settled at the bottom of the glass.
Click HERE to check out this test.

Candida overgrowth is weird…
But I’m convinced that’s what this is.
Click HERE to read about the link between candida and eczema

So for now, I’m layin’ low, chillin’ with Rizo all day since she got her wisdom teeth removed this morning! I’m glad my boss let me use PTO to get the day off..God is good.
I continue on my healing trek, being excited about myself (for the first time in a long while) and the fact that God has given me GREAT resources to help others.

Oh and my skin, it peeled off…the top layer of my skin flaked off in little pieces, which I used a brown sugar and coconut oil scrub to get off safely.
I think my hands are on there way to being vessels of service again…it hurts and itches still, doesn’t look different, but feels like new soft skin is breaking through…
.Hold Fast.

Vulnerability for Your Healing

Just because I believe in God doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with this…I’m going to make my self vulnerable and share with you lots about my journey from now on. I hope someone else can find healing along with me. Against my need to feel beautiful, I’m putting myself out there at the end of this post and sharing pictures of my journey…I didn’t take many consecutively because who wants pictures when they’re at their worst?

“Choose to see your experience through God, rather than God through your experience.” {My dad}
This sentence pierced my heart. Think about it for a moment.

God never changes, so why do we let our circumstances change our opinion of Him? This is what it means to be held. God doesn’t only allow issues and says “you’re on your own, pal..”

He allows trials and says :

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. {Matt 11:28}

Delight yourself in Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.{Psalm 37:4}

Consider it pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. {James 1:2&3}

In Isaiah 40 it says “Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God’? Do you not know? Have you not heard? the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.”

God wants the love of His creation…just like you who have children want the respect and adoration of them, you want them to love you and look up to you…those of you who have spouses, you want to please them and make them happy. You also desire their entire being, you want their faithfulness and commitment…well, God is a jealous God who wants pure hearts. He wants to know you’re serious about Him, captivated, in awe, head-over-heels for Him. Trials prove your love, like fire to gold; all the impurities burn away, and all that is left is beauty.

I’m in agreement with C.S. Lewis, when he said,

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

If it wasn’t for my faith, I wouldn’t have a hope of an end for this. My eczema isn’t going to be on my body forever–I was meant for the perfection of Heaven…

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. {Rev. 21:4}

I’m currently struggling, struggling for an answer…for some hint of healing…but all the while, it is well with my soul…
I got a foot detox yesterday–hoping for some healing answers…I was confirmed with digestive issues… the Lord has given me resources…and parents who still take care of me and their love abounds greater and greater as I understand it more and more.
Mi Amor and I were talking as we were driving, what we’ve learned from this, how our characters have been challenged, and where we’ve been strengthened.
I made a mental list of his answers so that I can be thankful for what this has done to stretch him into a better man. I now try to meditate and give thanks with a grateful heart when I get an attack…

Make me a servant, humble and meek, Lord let me lift up those who are weak, and may the prayer of my heart always be, make me a servant today. {old song from my childhood}

No matter your situation, we all need healing.
After the blessing of the foot detox and some guidance, and a bath robe..which I am wearing right now, I left with more assurance of God’s guidance. I left work early today because of an attack and now I’m sitting here doing a Bentonite clay mask on my hands and feet/ankles. I have plastic bags over my hands and water on the stove with some essential oils on it, instrumental music playing and the Christmas lights on. I am going to eat minimal food for the next who-knows-how-long, just so I can hope at some healing.
Carrots, freshly juiced with some “Go-Green” powder will be my breakfast. I will have a banana for a snack, carrots and homemade yogurt with flaxseeds in it will be my lunch(with some “Go-Green” in it) and rice with carrots will be my dinner.
I will live off of bananas, carrots, rice, and yogurt for a while.
I’m going to try to blog every-other-day to keep myself accountable. I realize that crap about lack of nutrition but ya know what, eczema is worse–believe me. I want answers, and elimination diets haven’t worked, so we’ll just go down completely and add in something after I start to heal.

Here is the ugly side to this story:

Feb 2013

Feb 2013

Feb 2013

Feb 2013

May 2013

May 2013

November 2013

November 2013

November 2013

November 2013

November 2013

November 2013

December 2013

December 2013

December 2013

December 2013

December 2013

December 2013

December 2013

December 2013


Push yourself

Challenge: this week find someone who is hurting; hunt for an opportunity to be an instrument of God’s kindness.

Under the work load and the stress of life, take time to give someone a reason to see that there are true followers of our Lord.

Beyond Words-If I’m Dreaming, I Don’t Want To Wake Up

God is so beautiful. We live in a world of perpetual blessing. Being open to serving God really does shine. He uses those who are willing, you can bank on that. One of the amazing parts of this sacrifice is being shown the results…
For example; just simply loving people at work and searching for ways to show them a loving Saviour was a daily task for the last eleven months. God has shown me the result of this; Today at my personal shower there was a time of “Memory Lane”. Each of my girls told their favorite memory of us together. Two girls came from my work, they both made me cry…seriously. Brittany stated how much she loves that we ask “life questions” and get deep with each other, she said her favorite was “If you could only give one piece of advice from your relationship, what would it be?” and she said that my answer has effected many of her relationships, not just with her boyfriend.
“Always assume good intentions–don’t instinctively think that he doesn’t love you, or she doesn’t respect you, just realize they may be speaking a different language. They are really just crying ‘Love me, put me first’ or ‘Respect me, make me feel worth it'”

She ended her memory saying, “I’m so glad you started working at Saint Mary’s, you’ve changed my life, I love you, Sarah.”

I cried…that was incredible to me. After eleven months of continual service, dying small deaths to become selfless and care about others and being open to Christ, He showed me the result. I am so thankful.

Abby, who I also work with, said, “I want to share a story of how Sarah impacted my life. She got engaged and the next day came to work, but it was a co-worker’s retirement party. She waited until after first shift left, and the co-worker was gone to tell us that she was engaged. That was huge to me, that she gave Jan her special day before sharing with us the happiest moment of her life. Her heart just shines God every day.”

I cried…mostly as a reaction of how emotional it was for her, as she began to cry when she was sharing her story. Then it hit me how marvelous God is, to give me these friends and bless me with seeing the result of His work in me.

Friend after friend gave their favorite memories and fun moments, I was overwhelmed thinking about this combination of young women. That combination will never happen again and they were all there for me.
I cried, trying to thank them with words that will never suffice. I felt so important, and overwhelmed with blessing.

I received fabulous gifts and played laughter-filled games.
There is so much to blog about and I know I won’t be able to fully describe and thank every one.

Rizo is incredible, she planned and executed this shower with so much poise and perfection I cannot even hug her enough times. We had a ham & cheddar frittata, ham & three cheese quiche, and spinach & goat cheese quiche,  two varieties of muffins, orange juice, granola parfaits, and keurig coffee & tea.
Thirteen ladies, who have all taken part in my life, showered me with more love than I expected to receive and Rizo made it possible.

We are going to get friendship tattoos and it will be the least I can do to thank her for all that she did.
Renee, she just poured out her love and showered us with her acts of service. She was Robin and Rizo was Batman.
Flowers and fun decorations.
I received lacy, fun, turn-me-red, honey-moon clothes.
Two and a half hours after it officially ‘ended’, the last ladies took off to go home. Everyone just had so much fun and loves me so much they just wanted to stay!!!
I got a call during a conversation after the party was ‘over’ and ran outside to answer it.
Mi Amor & I officially were offered and accepted our first duplex house. God is so good. If tears could talk, this blog post would be drenched.

Aimless Autumn Walk


Tossing leaves in the street


contrast between autumn & summer, divided by a street


after dancing through the leaves


Walking back to Poppins with the setting sun


Life was terrible today

HA! I think not. 

I had a marvelous day today…and amidst my wandering feet on my evening autumn walk, I hadn’t known where I was going. I just wanted to embrace more outdoors after making stuffed green peppers for dinner. 

I was dancing and laughing like a ten-year old girl in this quaint neighborhood nearby, when I turned a curve, where my feet walked right up the sidewalk to a church, where I was greeted and before I knew it, singing…

I honestly, cannot explain the reason I went in. 

The message was on the balance of God’s justice and mercy. I think maybe I needed to be reminded of how much I don’t deserve love.
Thank goodness life’s not fair.
I received a bit of a mind wandering moment, thinking of how wrong my actions are, all the time. Every day my focus slides.

I was hit with how much my desires are put before God.

I should be loving God
loving people

grr. I despise my emotions sometimes. 

I’m not keeping Him first, and ya know what, sometimes it feels good.
Gah-I hate that it feels good at first.

Being selfish is so easy…

I’m so screwed up.

I am faced, once again, with my tattoo.
What anchors do I need to rid myself of? 
What’s holding me back from loving God? 

Autumn always helps me re-align myself…
Thank you, Big Guy, for moving my feet.



Insanity Opportunities

I’m having a hard time believing what has happened in the last week.
First, I find out that I’m spending a few days in Grand Rapids exploring the chance of me living there.
THEN: I’m offered a full-time pharmacy job in my town–after a five minute interview, I can’t breath, cause I blinked and had an on-the-spot hiring.
After talking to my current boss, I let him know of my possible move to Grand Rapids by September and then tell him about the other job…but still wanting to stay at my current job, the next day (yesterday) I went back to the new job and asked for part-time, after he complied, I figured I would try to work two jobs.
Well, to my surprise, Mi Amor’s grandpa {Mr. T} told me he gave my resume to a clinic in downtown GR, he heard back from them and they wanted an interview with me! So, last night, Mr. T told me he would see if he could set up an interview Monday, because my work schedule would work PERFECTLY for another trip out to GR. 
So, this morning, I went to work overwhelmed with the three job opportunities ahead of me…unsure of what I should do with them all…So, I told my head Pharmacist {Debbie} what was going on, and she (whom I trust and  respect deeply) told me I shouldn’t accept the job in my town, because she knew of some backstory behind it…and it wasn’t good.
 I went to talk to my boss {today} and let him know that he could disregard my double–job offer and I would solely work for him, unless this GR job interview went extremely well.
after I got back tonight, I received a message from Mr. T, saying he got me an interview…

I’m off to Grand Rapids after church on Sunday–once again! HOORAY!!!!! haha
What a whirlwind, right!? But, hey, you know what…I’m quite impressed with how much God’s helped me grow up in the last couple years…heck, even the last year!
I truly don’t think that I would have handled this situation the same as I would have a year ago…
God’s really worked in my life, big-time.
I really feel as though He’s moving mountains… 
and He’s definitely not stopping now