My life is, once again, changing.
It’s inevitable, I realize this…don’t worry.
I love change, for the most part, but this is a stuck-in-the-mud change.
I really do love my job, but I find that the saying
“Can’t live with it, can’t live without it”
is perfectly fitting for this part of my life.
It’s such a sandbag to my hot air balloon!!
I sit here, with my dog, beautifully lit pine tree, and instrumental music.
I long for more.
If I’m always restless, then there’s something out there for me.
What am I missing? Do I just have to endure this molasses puddle? I feel so stuck. I want to be free; more than anything I want to be free.
My heart burns with a passion to be free; to cut all the sand bags from my hot air balloon and eat my way through the sticky molasses.
I’ve been on such adventures that I just want more,
God placed this burning fire within me…
I’m trying to figure out why.
What do you want from me!?
I just don’t hear anything.
I don’t want to be so wrapped up in searching that I miss His whisper…but I am trying to not be a couch potato…ha, like that’s even possible, when do I have time to waste entire days sitting down?
I’m not meant to sit down. I’m meant to float across the skies and be a witness and partaker in God’s great creations and miracles.
So, am I where He wants me to be right now?
Somehow, I feel as though the answer is ‘no’…
I feel as though this is super temporary and that this is just a bridge to get to where He wants me. But, then I suppose that bridge would be a ‘yes’ wouldn’t it? How easily my mind goes in circles till’ I get sick.
I know I don’t have to understand this. I know that God will come through–He’s planning right now.
I have so many options and paths that are possibilities to get onto right now, it just overwhelms me.
Mi amor told me something I really needed to hear…
“You need to find something to do with your life that isn’t work”
I obviously do a whole lot, but, now I’m not playing guitar much, I’m not involved in the college group worship band, the play is over, the season’s parties are done with, etc…
SO, I hang out with people and work. meh. doesn’t sounds appetizing.
So, I’m in a rut, but being awed by God’s works around me and within me.
He’s still and always in control,
so I’m trusting Him with my future.
I just want to make sure that I’m doing what He wants me to do.
So, I’m searching for opportunities to better my life and those around me.
I’m finding ways to do more than just work,
starting with step 1:
going to Grand Rapids for a day to get away from all my sandbags and molasses.