Childhood’s Disperse

He’s over six feet tall, he has brown hair, hazel eyes, a goatee, and loves computers; this is the beginnings of my brother.

His name is Joshua Michael.
We were the bravest warriors, best pirates, richest gold diggers, ultimate tree-climbers, and craziest wrestlers in our young worlds.

I have so  many memories of building bridges across trees, creating forts, sledding off roofs, daring each other to do idiotic things, and so much more.

Well, a few years back, we started to lose our tight-knit connection…
After I got back from Panama we got a little closer, we wrestled, hung out, played some computer games together, we cooked once, I baked him cookies a few times, talked more, hugged more, and then one week ago, we found out that he was leaving…
He is working on our Uncle and Aunt’s ranch out in North Dakota alongside our cousin. He’s got a big line up of work for him, if all goes well.

This morning, I got up for church, with the mind process that Josh would be in the shower at his usual 8:30 time. I walked past the open bathroom door and into the kitchen, grabbed some cereal and all of a sudden looked at my mom…”WHOA! We’re the only ones here this morning!!!”
…I knew he was gone…I saw him off…it’s just not right yet…

Today, in church, my dad announced this change, and that Josh might be gone for more or less than a year, he could even end up living out there…
It just kinda hit me, that feeling of crying…
It has come more often, after I left for Panama; six months ago I turned into a sap.
When we were about to leave church, to go back home, to celebrate my dad’s upcoming birthday, I grabbed my mom’s stuff and my guitar, and as I’m walking away, my mom chuckles, “Ya know what I was gonna say? ‘Where’s Josh, is he ready to go?'”
I laughed, “I know..it’s weird..”

When my mom, dad, and I got into the car, it was weird not having Josh sitting inside…or this morning, not having him in Bible hour…or not seeing him come out of his room to grab a cookie…

It’s not like he hasn’t worked a summer out in North Dakota before…it’s just different this time, thinking that he might not be back living here for a long time..or ever..

I never really knew/know how to show him love.
It’s sometimes harder for me to love the ones that I am close to…and I’m not completely sure why…
I know his love language is physical touch//quality time {so he says}
So, when I find time in my crazy schedule that’s what I tried to do…so I began with my routine of hugging him and asking him ‘how was your day?’ when I got home late.

It was like, just as soon as I thought we were really starting to bond again, life took a whirl and floated him three states away…meh :/

Maybe this separation will make us stronger though…I hope…

So, for now, please pray for my brother that he keeps obeying God’s call and keeping his patience and endurance throughout this time.
Pray for me and my family as we adjust, and for his girlfriend, who is probably having a crazy hard time {I haven’t been able to hang out with her since he left}

…*sigh*…
…childhood is gone for real…

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3 thoughts on “Childhood’s Disperse

  1. Sarah,

    I’ll definitely be praying for all of you. It’s not the same but I know when my dad was gone and then now, that I’m away a lot from my sibs for school, I’ve gotten way closer to them. Childhood’s hard to let go, but God doesn’t leave when we enter adulthood. He stays close, maybe even closer as we learn to lean on HIm more. He had to grow up once too, Sarah, and He’ll hold you through all of it!

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  2. Awww…I feel for you, Sarah! Having a sibling leave the house is never easy! I’ll be praying for you, your family, and Josh! I’m so glad you guys started to become closer knit, and I hope that continues! I didn’t realize he was gonna be gone that long! 😦 Definitely praying for you guys!

    ~Micah

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  3. Sarah, i will be praying for you!! I know how hard it is to have somone gone for that long!! When my dad left for Iraq it took me awhile to get used to not hearing him come in the front door at 4:30 everyday after work and gives us all big hugs! I will be praying for Josh as he’s away and for your family as you try to continue life without him. i know it’s not easy right now but know GOd is always there with you and Josh!! I’m right here girl if you ever need somone to talk to, okay!? I love you!!

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