…f bomb…

Christian “F” word

Click there ^ to read an awesome post that hit home for me.

[[I have a hard time laying out my losing hand  to people sometimes]]

.I wish I could win all the time.

This place; my blog, is an entrance to a piece of my life; a portion of my soul.
I get personal here and I sometimes I don’t focus enough on the trials that I go through.
I want to share my burdens more with you, so that you can learn from my mistakes and not make them yourselves.

So, from now on, I’m not going to just say “I’m fine”.

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And you…?

I’m leaving for Alaska in three days!!!

My parents and I have gotten mittens, gloves, wool socks, under-armor, and a warm coat to go along with my array of hats and scarves that I already own. I have had a blast musing over Alaska, since I got back from Panama.
Now that it’s a few days away, I’m so psyched and so pumped to be on the go again.

God is so good; He is so great

What a change this will be from Panama!

I can’t wait to journal while I’m up there, to relay all that I will be going through.

I’ve been keeping up with the Breath of Life Devotional that one of my Alaska leaders sent out, and it’s a really great refresher.
God uses it to touch my life. I am just so hyped, that this post is just staccato and crazy random! haha!

So, where would you want to go, if you were able to go anywhere on a missions trip?


My Dew–My Refresher

Thank you, God, for today.

I needed to hear the words that You spoke, through my song that I sang, the music in church, the sermon, and from my boyfriend.

God you are great, and I forget that all too often.
Thank you for refreshing our love, I will try harder to keep in step with You.

Give me eyes to see more of who You are,
May what I behold still my anxious heart,
Take what I have known and break it all apart,
For You, my God, are greater still.
No sky contains, No doubt restrains all You are,
The greatness of our God
I spend my life to know, and I’m far from close,
To all You are, the greatness of our God.
Give me grace to see beyond this moment here;
to believe that there is nothing left to fear.
For You alone are high above it all,
You, my God, are greater still.
And there is nothing, that can ever separate us,
No there is nothing, that can ever separate us from Your love;
No life, No death–of this I am convinced,
That You, my God, are greater still.
And no words can say, or song convey,
All You are, the greatness of our God.
I’ll spend my life to know, and I’m far from close,
To all You are, the greatness of our God…
Give me eyes to see more of who You are.

Childhood’s Disperse

He’s over six feet tall, he has brown hair, hazel eyes, a goatee, and loves computers; this is the beginnings of my brother.

His name is Joshua Michael.
We were the bravest warriors, best pirates, richest gold diggers, ultimate tree-climbers, and craziest wrestlers in our young worlds.

I have so  many memories of building bridges across trees, creating forts, sledding off roofs, daring each other to do idiotic things, and so much more.

Well, a few years back, we started to lose our tight-knit connection…
After I got back from Panama we got a little closer, we wrestled, hung out, played some computer games together, we cooked once, I baked him cookies a few times, talked more, hugged more, and then one week ago, we found out that he was leaving…
He is working on our Uncle and Aunt’s ranch out in North Dakota alongside our cousin. He’s got a big line up of work for him, if all goes well.

This morning, I got up for church, with the mind process that Josh would be in the shower at his usual 8:30 time. I walked past the open bathroom door and into the kitchen, grabbed some cereal and all of a sudden looked at my mom…”WHOA! We’re the only ones here this morning!!!”
…I knew he was gone…I saw him off…it’s just not right yet…

Today, in church, my dad announced this change, and that Josh might be gone for more or less than a year, he could even end up living out there…
It just kinda hit me, that feeling of crying…
It has come more often, after I left for Panama; six months ago I turned into a sap.
When we were about to leave church, to go back home, to celebrate my dad’s upcoming birthday, I grabbed my mom’s stuff and my guitar, and as I’m walking away, my mom chuckles, “Ya know what I was gonna say? ‘Where’s Josh, is he ready to go?'”
I laughed, “I know..it’s weird..”

When my mom, dad, and I got into the car, it was weird not having Josh sitting inside…or this morning, not having him in Bible hour…or not seeing him come out of his room to grab a cookie…

It’s not like he hasn’t worked a summer out in North Dakota before…it’s just different this time, thinking that he might not be back living here for a long time..or ever..

I never really knew/know how to show him love.
It’s sometimes harder for me to love the ones that I am close to…and I’m not completely sure why…
I know his love language is physical touch//quality time {so he says}
So, when I find time in my crazy schedule that’s what I tried to do…so I began with my routine of hugging him and asking him ‘how was your day?’ when I got home late.

It was like, just as soon as I thought we were really starting to bond again, life took a whirl and floated him three states away…meh :/

Maybe this separation will make us stronger though…I hope…

So, for now, please pray for my brother that he keeps obeying God’s call and keeping his patience and endurance throughout this time.
Pray for me and my family as we adjust, and for his girlfriend, who is probably having a crazy hard time {I haven’t been able to hang out with her since he left}

…*sigh*…
…childhood is gone for real…

Are you sure you want to know me?

If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
~Benjamin Franklin

 

Ever since I was little, I always felt like I was a warrior, just like my big brother. I would grow up strong and unmovable; I would be ahead of the game.

I found out that I am weak and brittle; I am human.

I think that everybody has this desire to be able to fix their own problems yet wants somebody there to comfort them through it. It’s just really hard when the one who is part of the problem is the one you want comfort from.

I think I’m doing 50% better on the trust issue with God, now I have problems with holding myself back.
Isn’t that how it goes though?

…be gentle with me Jesus, as you tear me apart…
(JJ Heller-Until Only Love Remains)

 

This is a great song to listen to, so please do so at this moment. And think about the words.

When we give our lives to God, and attempt to give Him all areas of our life, He slowly breaks us down, we let go of this area and that one. He begins to mold us into a beautiful work of art-one of original intention.

So, I have given this area and that area, trying to give my entire life, since I became a God-lover. We broke through the trust issue, and now I’ve improved. So, God is beginning to change my focus DEEPLY to self-control.

If I want to become a person where ‘only love remains’, I have to reach the point of taking the plank out of my eye.
When I was that little warrior, I thought I had it all figured out-that became my foundation and when I reached my breaking point I realized how blind I became because my foundation was sand.

All men are tempted.  There is no man who lives that can’t be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot.

I am imperfect, helpless, weak, vulnerable, wavered, and-lets face it-an idiot.
Thanks to mi dulce Salvador, I know this and can ask Him to change these.
It’s just getting to the point where I REALLY want to change it…this is such a hard subject to talk about…let me express more with quotes:

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

What makes resisting temptation difficult for many people is they don’t want to discourage it completely.

I suppose coming down to point-blank is step one. Understanding what needs to be changed, controlling yourself, and holding to the Rock-Solid Foundation become the next.

THAT one, “holding to the Rock-Solid Foundation”…that’s where I fall on my face.
I go through all these spirals…I can’t stick to Him…I can’t keep in step and stick to these yet; I can’t control myself to stay in line.

I read my Bible (with my mindset being to learn and grow) I always need to pray more, but I do, and I fellowship with other believers all the time as well.

…am I a hypocrite?

…what am I missing?

…what is the glue for God, me and control?

 

 

Land Of The Midnight Sun

Did I forget, in the midst of year transition, to post that I’m going to Alaska?

oops..

March 3rd through the 12th I’ll be with my Alaska team, which is made up of ten college-age young women and men, as well as three leaders.
We’ll be driving down to Chicago, where we will board our plane and fly into Anchorage. For the first two days of our week-long trip we will help out with the Iditarod; the famous dog-sled race. After the restart in Willow, Alaska, we will drive back down to Anchorage and do a variety of service projects, with options such as:
*Serving the homeless*Preparing food boxes for hungry villages*Working with orphan boys*Shoveling snow for the elderly*Help on a Habitat for Humanity home*Helping at a Head Start Center and Boys and Girls Club*Serving meals to Native American elders.

If we are able to only do a few of these and not all, I want to enforce my serving at the orphanage…I REALLY want to experience that! [[but you all knew that]]

I was blessed with the job of being a Client Service Professional at H&R Block for tax season. I look at it as God’s way of supplying my need for funds for this missions trip. I am deciding not to send out letters asking for financial support because only (exactly) six months ago did I fly to Panama. (I’ve officially been back home as long as I was serving our Creator in Panama)

God, Panama, and the people who enabled me to go, helped increase the fire within me to “go out and do”.  And within two weeks of being home, I basically set my eyes on this missions trip! (Thanks to one of my great friends who informed me)
I figure this month I’ll just ask for prayer support, as that is our most powerful weapon!

If you are interested in more information on what to pray for, what my next adventures with mi dulce Salvador are, or a miscellaneous reason, please feel free to e-mail me:
luv_2play_guitar@yahoo.com
~~~~~~
One of our leaders sent us an e-mail with a “Breath of Life Devotional” enclosed.
So, I will share with you tonight’s verses!

Psalm 55:17
Psalm 65:1-2
Psalm 122:6
Psalm 145:18
John 16:13
Galatians 5:13

Please pray for my Encounter with the Land of the Midnight Sun.