I have never realized how wrong I can be about myself. One would think I’d know myself better than anyone else, but the reality is, I am continuing to learn about who I am just as much as I am continuing to learn my husband.
My spiritual awakening happened during the Jewish New Year. It was September and my skin had a flare up that was lasting longer than a month… I hadn’t been able to wear my wedding ring for three weeks because my finger was swelling in red, atopic dermatitis, agony. I wanted to talk to my trusted friend who has similar outlooks as I do, but she is far more learned in life itself and has experienced more healing than my eyes have seen. So, I asked if she could meet me and help me talk through some things. I had a feeling it was deeper than just a nutritional issue.
I guess to back up my story (since its been so long in my blog posting) I had atopic dermatitis horribly for a year and a half, but through nutritional guidance I found I had a candida overgrowth in my digestive tract–and nowhere else on my body. So between the bloating, the bleh feeling of my stomach and the worn out tiredness I experienced daily, I began to cut out all sources of sugars (processed or not). Goodbye fruit, goodbye carrots and root veggies, adios sweets and even hidden sugars in salad dressings, sauces, and soups.
I basically ate salads sprinkled with juiced citrus and spices. Plain, no sugar added, yogurt topped with cinnamon, nutmeg, and nuts. Dinner usually was filled with other raw veggies and occasionally fish. –VERY BASIC, VERY SIMPLE.
My skin was CLEAR in two months of hard work and thanks to my husband, dedication.
So after a year of being dermatitis-free, not eating gluten and watching my sugar consumption, my ankles were breaking out in atopic dermatitis again. It didn’t make sense, I was stumped. I had just finished my certification in Nutritional Counseling. I thought to myself, “If I had a client going through this, I would analyze their diet, adjust the sugar consumption and see improvement” But then, if I was only eating fruit as my glucose source, why would that cause a flare up?
–back to the beginning, I contacted my friend.
I met with her on the porch of her home, and she asked me “what’s going on?”
So, I showed her my ankles, and asked “what chakra does this represent?”
In my experience, too many Christians are closed minded about having a holistic mindset of their bodies. I believe God created us in a triune way, just like Himself; since we are in His likeness. Mind, Body, Spirit.
Therefore, asking my friend who loves the Lord but has a balanced perspective of our holistic spiritual bodies, I felt like I was going to get some answers.
She asked me if I felt I knew who I was, because that reflected my grounding. I paused, thought, and responded that I never felt I didn’t know who I was, but since having to take my wedding ring off for the last three weeks it was hard for me to know that no one would know that I was ‘taken’, that I was treasured, cared for, and chosen.
My friend then noted that I hadn’t said anything about my hand, only saying that my ankles were the issue. She then stated, ‘Sarah, do you realize that you’re body is telling you that your grounding is off, that you’re putting your marriage first, so now, of ALL the places your body breaks out, it chooses your wedding ring finger, forcing you to take it off…”
As a believer, God is supposed to by what is first in our life; our grounding. My marriage was so easy to pour into and love, serve, and enjoy, that it was taking the forefront.
I welled up. I was in unbelief of how it was possible for my body to speak in this way. But, I didn’t doubt it. I knew this was the issue, for the first time, it was clear…
We then went into a deeper disussion about my personality type–if you don’t already know about the Enneagram test, you need to go check it out. I am a 2, a helper. My unbalanced self is giving and serving those around me, neglecting myself and sweeping my needs/desires/wants under the rug.
So, Mi Amor and I had a big discussion on how I was unbalanced and I asked for help, for the first time in I don’t know how long…
This was the beginning of my realization that I don’t know myself very well, that I have been neglecting my spiritual needs, my physical needs, and my emotional needs. I know how to love God and serve Him for other people, with other people, but not alone. I know how to help others get fit and how to eat properly, how to heal from physical ailments. I certainly don’t cry enough or give my true mindset of how I am feeling.
My first reaction is to do things for others; and I have neglected the foundation of being able to that properly; caring for myself.
SO now, I am on a journey of finding more about who I am. Its kinda horrifying and freeing at the same time. We all have pockets of our lives we don’t wish to uncover, but the reality is, that if we can’t be translucent, then we aren’t fully healing.
I am starting this new season in hopes that I can help someone else along the way, but mainly, by healing and pulling out the weeds in my life, I’ll have better soil that will have flowers in the place of those weeds, and in that regard, I can give them away.
Check out this link to learn more about the Enneagram and find your personality type. Learn to be aware of your unhealth as well as aiming for your full health.
We can eat healthy, but that doesn’t mean we are spiritually healthy.
We can praise God, but that doesn’t mean we are emotionally healthy.
We can release our emotions daily, but that doesn’t mean we are physically healthy.
All three need to be in balance, and I am learninig to take this for myself. A month of yoga truly helped open my eyes to three of these; my mind, body, and spirit.